It’s a Struggle

March 13, 2009

I have been on a “journey” (don’t blame me for being cliche) while living in Chicago. I don’t want to say I have battled with my weight my whole life, because I have never really done anything to make it better. However, I can say that my weight has been an enemy of mine for as long as I can remember.

Through a series of many crazy moments, I found myself in Chicago for a year living on my own, going to school for me, and with the opportunity to meet Kelly and only Kelly for the first time in a really long time, if not the first time ever. (still cliche) As I was walking around the neighborhood taking it all in I passed a gym. I still cannot identify what was within me to contact them but all of a sudden I found myself touring the gym and signing a contract for a year-long membership.

I think initially I was consistent in going because I had committed a good amount of money to the membership and since I live my life on loans I couldn’t possibly justify paying for a membership without taking advantage of it. Almost instantly I felt benefits. I was sleeping better and feeling less stressed. I had more energy and felt more calm throughout my day.

Along with working out I started paying more attention to what I was eating. With some initial nutritional guidance from my gym, I started making lots of changes to make nutritious decisions without denying complete food groups from my diet. I started making sure I was eating a nutritious breakfast each morning along with small snacks in between meals. I cut out obvious bad decisions like prepared frozen foods, pizza, fast food, desserts, etc. I do have a bit of a sweet tooth though so I have added dried fruits and sugar-free pudding and Jello cups.

I started this all on September 1st. While the date was unintentional, it has made it easy to keep track of my progress. Before heading home for Christmas break I had lost roughly 35 pounds. With almost a month at home and a trip to Ireland I found myself back in Chicago having put back on some pounds and needing to once again commit to my plan. I started feeling like I couldn’t do it all on my own, so after contemplating a huge financial commitment I connected with a personal trainer. I meet with my trainer two times a week and go to the gym four other times on my own. When I went home for spring break last week I had lost just over 50 pounds.

While I am really proud of my progress, I feel like I am entering a really difficult stage. I am in this weird place right now where I am proud of myself for maybe the first time. I have seen myself be successful and that weight loss is possible but I feel like I have so much more to go. I don’t have a scale in my apartment so it’s easy for me to not get wrapped up in the numbers. I notice small successes each day in how my clothes are too big to wear or how I can see my collar bone now that keep me going. I am moving back to Iowa in August and am hoping to be done 100 pounds which will be 100 pounds down in just under a year. I don’t know how much more I want to go past that but hopefully I will keep the progress going in a new gym back in Iowa. I keep setting more goals as I go along so that it can all feel more manageable.

The hard part right now is that the second I am done eating I start second guessing everything I put in my mouth. I like all the progress I have been making and don’t want to do anything to sabotage my future success. One of the curses of having a weight problem and needing to lose weight is that I still need to eat to survive. A huge mistake a lot of people make is that they under eat and deprive themselves of the appropriate nutrients and calories to encourage weight loss and a higher metabolism. I am on a really intense training regime and I need to take care of my body, especially because I want to have this be a permanent change. There are moments that I wish I was quitting smoking or drinking so that I could just eliminate the evil substance completely.

I am starting to feel really confident in myself at the gym and with all the crazy and amazing things my trainer is having me do. I am desperate to feel that confidence in the kitchen as well.

Ugh, I hope I get through this rough patch soon.

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One Response to “It’s a Struggle”

  1. benskutnik Says:

    Judging from what little I have seen on twitter and read in this post, I would say that you are on the right track with your diet. I understand how certain environments change your willpower (or lack of), I am feeling the same with my diet change. Just watch the calories and you should be fine though. You have made excellent strides!


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